“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”—Mark 11:25, NIV
Forgiveness can be misunderstood. Let’s be clear about what it is not.
1. Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.
Some things seem too hurtful, serious, and wrong to forgive. It feels like we would be saying, it’s no big deal, and there will be no consequences.
But that’s not true.
Your painful situation is a big deal, and there are consequences, but those need to be left in the hands of God. When you refuse to forgive, you are stepping into God’s role and not allowing yourself to be healed.
2. Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two people. Sometimes it is possible, and sometimes not. But you will never even approach reconciliation if you don’t start with forgiveness. And you will never heal unless you forgive.
3. Forgiveness is not about being fair.
So much in life is not fair. But we don’t really want to go there, do we? Fair is us paying for our own sins, but we didn’t. Jesus made it possible for us to be forgiven. Fair is not about giving people what they deserve. Fair is about giving them what they need —and what we need, which is to forgive and be forgiven.
4. Forgiveness is not impossible. You might feel like it is. When we are nursing so much bitterness and hurt in our hearts, it just doesn’t seem possible to let it go, much less forgive. But we can do it, because the Word promises us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Yes, it does indeed take supernatural strength to let ourselves forgive.
Forgiveness is not minimizing, not always reconciliation, not fair, and neither is it impossible. But it is the key to a blessed life.
“Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer. If the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn’t mercy, but forgiveness always comes at a cost to the one granting the forgiveness.”—Tim Keller
